|Deviant Login||Shop||Join deviantART for FREE||Take the Tour|
Reminders of Mended Skinthe marks on my skin is not a fashion statement
the feeling of my skin splitting apart is not meant to be envied
no handsome boy will kiss your scars and read sad poetry with you
it does not make you a diamond in the rough
it does not make you that beautiful sad girl
you’ll just end up like me
crying because you can’t let your girlfriend see you in your underwear
scared she’ll leave you when she sees them
because no one needs that much baggage
thrust upon them after a month
WavesSometimes when I stand on the shore
And I feel the waves begin to lap at my feet
Because I don’t know how quickly the tide will recede
If it will take a minute, an hour, a day
Or if they’ll increase in strength and pull me back into the sea
That I worked so hard to swim out of
HushabyHush little baby.
Take the knife out of your hand
and leave your pretty unblemished skin alone.
No need to split your skin.
No need to paint your body with your blood.
Hush my child.
Lay your blade down, little girl.
Hold my hand tight.
Pass your pain to me for your shoulders are far too small
to bare the weight alone.
Nail PolishBlack fingernails
Like pools of oil puddled on the fingertips
Light catches and makes the pitch shine.
Dark beauty within painted voids
Rotate the finger, watch the shiny spot revolve
Got a SecretWhispers are always fingernails raking down my spine.
No matter content, whether known or imagined.
The sound revolts me. The sound scares me.
I've heard my name at the trailed end of whispers far too many times.
Your hushed voices earn no trust from me.
HulkMy default setting is angry.
I am never Bruce Banner.
Always the Hulk.
My skin is constantly
tinted with the slightest shade of green.
My blood is always just below the boiling point.
Steam is eternally beginning to bellow behind my ears.
I don't just get angry.
I am always angry.
A train on the tracks
You use victims as pawns for your argument
Pushing the train off the tracks
Your arguments are not needed
No one cares what you say
What you think, what you feel
No one needs a derailer on the tracks
A Prayer for ClosureI never ceased to care about anyone the way I did with you.
Feelings evaporated like dew in the afternoon sun,
until nothing is left but dry grass, slightly cool to the touch.
My feelings towards you started out like a fire,
the hottest flame I've ever felt.
But all the wash dashed, suddenly,
as if a bucket of water was poured over the steaming coals from the flame.
I see you pining over me.
I've never had anyone pine over me before.
I realize that you loved me more than I loved you.
And I wish I could give you some sort of closure.
I wish your feelings would evaporate into the sun.
Just like mine did.
I hope you can move on because you deserve better.
Someone who fits you like a puzzle piece.
Not me, a square peg, trying to fit with you, a round hole.
Pixelated HeartWhat does it mean when you cry more
over the death of a fictional character
than the death of your grandfather,
or the death of your mentor and friend?
Does it mean you have a heart
that's in the wrong place?
Or does it mean you don't have a heart
Was my heart built wrong?
So that I empathize with pixels and words
over flesh and bone?
When your escape becomes your emotional downfall,
where do you escape to?
Just Lie To MeTell me that love is over rated.
That it isn't want it is made out to be.
That it is painful and hurtful.
Tell me that love isn't what I want.
Tell me that I shouldn't fixate on this dream.
That a relationship will suddenly fix my imperfections.
It won't fill the void that depression has caused.
It won't give me the courage do things.
It won't heal the scars I've caused.
Tell me love isn't want I need.
Tell me I'm selfish for wanting it,
Selfish for want to make a person love a girl who wants to be dead.
Tell me I shouldn't fall in love.
Tell me I'm not hurting anyone that way.
Tell me that there is no one that could ever match the man, the person who saves me in my dreams.
I thought I'd given up on love,
But I keep missing that romance that has never, and never will be there...
I'm missing that life I need...
Woes of the World.Woes of the World.
These are the people of the world today.
These are the unaltered images currently on display.
Underneath all the glamour, glimmer and glitz.
Take away the fictitious and deliberate array.
Uncover the cosmetic and carefully applied mist.
Look out the window and this is what you will be left with.
Hoodlums blaring out music from their phones on the back of the bus.
Undercover police scouting out the local estates for their next drug bust.
Doting high school pupils hoping to attain their A level requirements.
Post and undergraduate university students engrossed by assignments.
Fathers suited and booted leaving their rooted families for another bird’s blue tits.
While the mums provide dinners for their bread winners slaving at home clueless.
Young naive girls getting pregnant and subjecting their children to negligence.
The fathers who can’t be trusted, get busted are now serving a long term sentence.
Graduated students with degrees faced with the prospect of
Suicide or Tea?Should I kill myself or have a cup of tea?
I decide on the latter and I'm not sure why. Probably because I can. Life is a never-ending scroll of be-goods, be-happies, be-in-controls, be-okays, be-strongs and be-appreciatives. So what's another day?
Just another day closer to death.
Still, life seems incredibly long, don't you think? So long, it's hard to see the end and nearly impossible to touch even with a knife in my hand that could easily skewer my heart, make it squirm and still like a dying nightingale sealing its death with a pathetic squeal of almost-song.
Life is pain and people in pain are a pain in the ass. Perhaps occasionally or perhaps frequently, they think "Why not just kill myself? Life is hell, anyway. No hell after life could be worse than this."
But they're wrong. The worst is never the worst because things can always get worse and maybe that's why I decided to stick with the chamomile tea. That or I feel tea-sipping is reason to live.
Showing YourselfShowing yourself doesn't make you weak.
I'll give you exactly what you seek.
This vulnerability is a part of you.
There isn't anything you can do.
I'm only here to give you help.
Don't have to do it by yourself.
It doesn't matter what you say.
I promise that I'm here to stay.
When you find it's hard to breathe,
Let me be there to relieve.
Want you to know I don't think less.
Only you think that you're a mess.
Please, I just want to be here.
I really do love you, dear.
A Razor's WordsDon't worry little girl
I'm not so far
I'm just beside your cold empty bed
I'm between the papers of your private book inside your dresser
You never forget me
I know you think of me constantly
You know you want me
You always hide me in the dark
And keep me in the silence
Because you don't want nobody to know about me
Or about our bloody secret
You know you want to take me
You hear me calling for you
You like my sound when I fall on the ground like the fine steel I am
You want me to give you pain I know
Just pick me up
I will be gentle, slip softly
And fast, you won't feel the hard pain
You know you want to feel me cutting under each thin layer of your skin
Fill your filthy desire with me
I'm shiny with odd shape
Rusty with rotten blood stains on my edges
Sharp and all you want to comfort your dead soul with
Don't be scared, for all you want is to feel numb
And I can make you feel good and lost
As you are always walking confused in your own dark and cloudy
Do you see?You see these tears?
I’m not shedding them for you.
You see my smile?
I’m not grinning for you.
You see my eyes?
They aren’t lighting up for you.
You see my blood?
It isn’t burning for you.
You feel my heart?
It’s not beating for you.
You know these feelings
That keep me up till 3am?
It’s not because of you.
You see the way I make
Extravagant hand motions when I’m excited?
That’s not for you.
You feel my rage and anger?
That is indeed for you.
Do you still not see?
Do you still not understand?
After all the times
I have hurt you
And thrown you away….
You still want to be here
You still want to be by my side…
Maybe it is me who does not see…
Maybe it is me who does not understand….
That even after all those times…
You do understand
I’m not really mad at you…
I’m just upset at myself…
You’ll always be my friend…
Maybe I’ll never know why….
I'm not perfectIt doesn’t make sense
All this white noise in my head.
It screams and it cries and it howls
Words that I don’t understand.
Why can’t I feel the feelings
You laid out before me.
As if it was so easy
To show what is inside.
“I’m only human, nothing perfect.”
So I stumble, and I fall
But no on catches me before
I hit the ground and lay on the floor.
Feelings like pain and hurt
I understand those.
Even better than I do
The happiness and joy I see.
I’m sorry I hide when I’m upset
I just don’t see the reason
To bother you about it
And ruin your happiness.
Please, understand.Ever since you told me how you felt
The pain and misery that you’ve held
Everything that you’re going through
I’ve done nothing else but to help
But every time I listen to you
I can’t help but to feel the same
My morals detain me for leaving you
But I wouldn’t be the only one to blame
I'm in Hiding...I didn’t even notice them
Didn’t even know why
But soon enough I felt them,
Those tears flow past my eyes.
No one has ever seen them,
Inside I had them kept.
Now it all pours out
My lock has snapped.
I try to hide and cover
For I see the faces you make.
You’ve never seen me upset
I hid it for your sake.
But now there’s no going back
You have seen it all.
I can no longer hide
My feelings behind a castle wall.
You tell me it’s okay,
I need to show my emotions.
I nod my head in understanding
I’m just going through the motions.
Truth is, it isn’t easy
For me to just show
What I’m feeling inside,
It’s a stormy mess, I know.
But little by little
I can try my best
To show you what’s inside;
I leave you to the rest.
CEO vs The BoardMy mental illnesses are a board of directors
Overseeing my vast and complicated brain as if it were a company.
Anxiety is the guy who was hired to be creative,
To come up with all the what-ifs, the hypotheticals.
He's rarely right but they all think he's good to have around.
The CEO disagrees.
Bipolar is a scatterbrained woman who's always the last
To make up her mind
And most of time after she does, she changes it.
Often more than once.
She's an inconvenience but they all think she's good to have around.
The CEO disagrees.
PTSD has a photographic memory and she never forgets
An event, a word, a smell, a feeling
The most random thing will remind her of one of these
And she doesn't hesitate to bring them up at the most inopportune of times.
She's annoying and distracting but they all think she's good to have around.
The CEO disagrees.
Depression is the head of the board who feeds off the actions of all the others
Then twists them around and makes it all about him,
how it made him feel s
Hath No FearGiving yourself completely up to fear is kinda like falling in love: You can't pin point exactly when it started and by the time you realize that you are surrounded by that sensation it's already game over. Just like the image of the person you are in love with starts creeping out from every unexpected corner, fear never leaves your side when you give it a welcome stay. After a restless sleep, it starts beating anxiously in your heart the moment you wake up in the morning and commands all your thoughts and actions throughout the day. It is nothing short of a prison, except you are the only inmate and the warden never takes a break. Ever.
I do not exactly remember when I let fear occupy my being but I remember the exact moment when I realized I was ruled by it. It was late in the afternoon, everybody was out there 'getting busy living' and I had locked myself inside my bed half awake, not particularly finding any valid reason to get out of it. Then I was awakened from a nightmare by my
Keep in Touch!
Lilyas has dedicated herself to making our community a brighter place with her vibrant artwork and infectious enthusiasm for interacting with others in our community. It has certainly paid off, as many deviants flock to her page on a daily basis to let her know how much of an inspiration she is. We absolutely agree, and couldn't let all that hard work go without recognition, so it's with great pride that we bestow the Deviousness Award for March 2014, to ... Read More